I have to note that 2020 and my 2 DNFs’ , Breaks & Falls 100 , taught me so much about my training and myself as a runner. In the moments of those races , I didn’t know the lessons I would learn and how important was it for me to learn them. No one wants to DNF a race that they felt ready for and I definitely did on the physical training . Mental training I wasn’t ready to finish those races BUT I had not noticed that . I now know that I pushed a lot of feelings and thoughts down without addressing them .
December 15th 2020 , not 10 days after my 2nd DNF attempt on 100 miles , I booked a hotel in Cuyahoga Falls Ohio . I had not signed up for Burning River but knew it was a possibility . A rebound from the DNF . I looked at the race photos , the course map and the previous years’ guide several times . I joined the FB group and posted a question about the course and got tons of feedback . By chance I was able to connect with runners from Louisville who had run this race . It took less than a week and I was signed up for the 100 mile race.
I had also signed up for another 100 mile race for December 2021 . Similar loop format with the same elevation as my previous 100 DNFS. This gave me 2 chances to complete 100 miles . This meant that for both races , I would have to get past the last cut off time at the last aid station in order to finish the 100 miles . Daunting YES .. Possible YES .. Up for the challenge YES .. My husband Armin was supportive of both decisions. I am sure he was not looking forward to being crew for both but he did not say anything.
January rolls in and I get this last minute urge to run 52 miles for my 52nd bday . DNF rebound move again . I needed to feel like I could accomplishment something and was trained to do it . I told a few people because I don’t like an audience and I really think I wasn’t confident I could do it . It was dumb cold day and some good friends joined my for miles here and there . I chose a local park that was pancake flat and I could have easy access to my car aid station . It was fun , not fun , fun and then difficult but I finished in 12.5 hrs . I had no idea how wiped out I would be after that long run . Yes I was trained but coming off the Falls DNF at mile 77 in December and then this 52 miles , really took a toll . I was tired .
This month I had also chosen a word for myself . It was part of a challenge from a FB group I belong to , Mind over Miles . I chose ” Confident ” because I really needed to get that for myself . I was constantly comparing myself to others while on Social Media, during races , during training runs . This was something that plagued me for a very long time . It was time for me to just focus on me . I left many social media groups that were more of a hinderance to me as a runner and decided to avoid those awkward group runs that were supposed to be fun but full of gossip , trash talking and bad vibes I did not need in my life.
February was toe injury month . That just was a blow to my new training cycle which I had just planned . Really not an injury but Osteoarthritis issue / Hallux Rigidus and it will be with me forever. I had to figure out how to manage the foot pain if I wanted to run . My PF blew up too. Running was quite painful but I did as much as I could . This month I decided it was time to go back to Hot yoga and focus on strength training more . (2020 was all mileage as the gyms were shut down so my overall strength had decreased )
March and April were really great . I was focused on distance over elevation . Elevation just angered my foot so I had to plan that accordingly. I was able to keep up with doing a marathon distance or greater every other weekend . I ran Horse Capital Marathon, only my 3rd official marathon, and then got a PR on Big Turtle 50k just a couple weeks after. I was feeling great and not quite peaking . Running solo or with close friends that I trusted was all I did . I continued to stay away from the social media and posted very few things . My confidence in myself continued to build . I started the planning for Burning River even though I knew I had time .
May was sprained ankle month . Enough said on that .. low miles and more PT to give both ankles more mobility .
June , I was looking forward to . War Hammer 50k was going to be a supported long training run . Well that was a bust and I added a DNF to my list . Heat exhaustion , blood pressure and low sugar took its toll on me . Got my first ambulance ride back to the start and felt like total crap for not finishing such a small distance. Once I recovered from the heat exhaustion , I ramped up mileage the best I could . Looked for another long distance , supported training race and found RUTS .
July , RUTS on July 3rd was just what I needed. It was 1/2 mile horse track loop for 12hrs overnight . I could run as little or as much as I wanted on a flat surface . I managed 50 miles and felt really good about it and I REALLY needed that boost of confidence heading into Burning River 100. The rest of this month had a goal of NO ankle sprains , No injury period . I kept it to cross county runs , less technical trail and road .
Burning River Week rolled around . I had everything packed and ready to go . All the aid station bags for Armin , shoes , gear , food , drinks etc. It was GO TIME !!
July 24 , 2021 4am , light drizzle starting but that was OK . I dont mind running in the rain . Wore road shoes due to course being so varied between trail , tow path and asphalt. I can handle mud in my road shoes from light rain . Well drizzle turned to 3 hr storm that dumped so much rain , the trails went go to bad FAST. It was all I could do to stay upright but I did . I had to make it 20 miles before I would see Armin , that was the plan , and I could change shoes . I stayed on track with pace and nutrition despite the rain and mud . I was going strong on my own . Oak Hill aid station , mile 23 , quick change the shoes and grabbed poles b/c I wasnt sure what was ahead of me . I got extra fluids and gels and food . Off I went and it would be another 15 miles before I saw Armin . I would pass through several aid stations with full support. The BR aid stations are amazing !! Got rid of the poles and switched shoes again b/c I knew I was heading into the 10 mile road section shortly & I definitely could not do road in my trail shoes . It was getting HOT and I was really feeling not so good with the temps rising . Had to rest a few times and put ice in the sports bra to cool myself off . I continued eating as much as I could while my stomach was still doing really well. I knew that at some point , I would not be able to take in enough calories . Met Armin again at Mile 50 , i was still moving really well and made the halfway point under 14 hrs so I knew I was solid on the turn around. Ate , sat for 10 minutes and switched to a fresh shirt ,& new packed dry vest. I got my headlamp this time but knew I wouldnt get my Kogalla light until dark . I wasnt wanting to carry anything extra and I would be find with the headlamp until mile 65. I cant say how much I appreciated all the aid stations . They had just about everything I needed. Though I did find out that I do not like Vegan broth or Ramen or HEED . Hey , you try everything once . Once I hit mile 65 , Pine Hollow , just needed my waist light and more fluids and food . I was still eating really well and managed to be in a pack of men for quite some time . Once I turned on the light , I was the lead . We spent the overnight hours navigating in the dark and the 2nd thunderstorm . The lightening was brilliant overnight . It was a sloppy sloppy mess from then on . I was still doing really well but slowing up once I got past mile 70 . It was getting rough . I started drinking Mountain Dew , Coke and Ginger Ale at the aid stations . I kept pushing forward with that goal to finish this race . I was Armin at mile 77 Oak Hill aid station and he saw how rough I was getting but he did not show much expression . He just did as I told him to do , filled my fluids and replenished food / gels. I told him to meet me at all the rest of the aid stations . I needed him there to push me to the end though I did not have to say that to him . He knew . We discussed it over the summer . Off I went but it wasn’t much longer at around mile 80 that I knew my feet were starting to blister . I was really tight on the time to finish under 30 hrs and I was pushing as hard as I could . Food was getting really hard to take in so I did as much as I could. I carried crackers and grapes in a dixie cup I could only take in half a gel at a time and salt tabs were really not going down to well. I continued drinking the electrolyte liquids and that helped . Mile 85 , My feet hurt so bad but I did not say much about it . I could have changed shoes but knew if the shoes came off , the feet might swell too much . My window of time was closing faster and faster and I was getting slower and slower . Told Armin to go to the next aid station , mile 90 and I would be there . At this point , plenty of folks had dropped / stopped . It was really apparent that time was slipping away . The aid station workers were so sweet they just kept saying , ” You can make it just push , just push” . Then they would look at Armin and say ,” Make her keep moving .” At mile 90 , I knew I was not making the 30 hr cut off . I had maybe 2 hrs to go over 10 miles . In my condition , a 12mm was not happening and definitely not uphill . Told Armin to make sure the course markers were staying up , tell the RD I was coming and go to the last Aid Station . I got to mile 95 just around the 30 hour mark and I cried that ugly cry . Mad at myself for not pushing hard enough when I was feeling good , mad at myself for not eating enough , just mad and angry . The Aid Station was just being pulled down but they offered me what they had left. Armin , expressionless , walked me to the edge of the parking lot and pointed me to the direction I had to go . He said ” see you at the finish ” and walked away . I think had we made eye contact , we would have both lost it . I sucked in those tears and moved on slowly up those last hills . It was painful and I had to stop several times . I was leaning hard to the left , some of the passerby’s asked if I was OK . I just waved them on . Those were the longest miles of my life and I thought I would never finish . BUT I did finish the course and got the Buckle for course completion .
Its still a DNF . One more to add to my list . I am proud I stuck it out and finished because I could have just stopped . I am also disappointed that its still a DNF. I am still going back and forth in my head about being a “True 100 mile runner ” . What does that mean ? I havent quite figured it out . I have been congratulated for finishing but I have also been told that is was really a DNF . My ultimate goal was 100 miles and I did that so does it really matter that I didnt do it under the cut off ???